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Year 11 Homework Part 2

As I know you will all be short of something to do with the school closing today, here is an update of your next three weeks homework.

You are going to be writing newspaper columns. To improve your understanding of the form, you need to bring in an article you have read each single lesson with 100 words of your own writing based on the same topic.

You should be trying to achieve the same style and effect that the columnist has achieved without copying their work.

There is a real difference between newspaper columns and newspaper reports. A column is usually written by the same person and is opinion based on a topic of the writer's choice (usually something in the news).

Features of a column are usually:

1st Person
Strong Opinions / Often Bias
Anecdotes
Sarcasm / Irony
Often humorous and less formal in tone.

To help you with this, I need you to read at least one column per week (more if you really want to hone your skills) and then try to write your own comment piece based on the topic in your article. In lesson we will then compare your writing with the writing of the pro.

Below are a list of columnists you may wish to check out and the publications they often write for.

Caitlin Moran - @caitlinmoran The Times

Grace Dent - @Gracedent The Independent / Evening Standard / The Guardian

Eva Wiseman - @Evawiseman The Guardian

Sophie Heawood - @heawood The Guardian / The Independent / Vice

Charlie Brooker - @charltonbrooker The Guardian

Stewart Lee - @stewlee The Independent / The Guardian / The New Statesman

David Mitchell - @RealDmitchell The Guardian

Here is a link from Grace Dent you may like.

Be opinionated, witty and wise.

Happy writing.

Mr Milne
 
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Anonymous
12 October 2013 at 19:51

Thank you for the help. This is what I have so far...
  
  Up your Bingo is a vivid advert which stains your mind with its relaxing music and amusing colours - but you will only see it in that way if you are visually impaired.

  Since the women are in the middle of a street, you wouldn't be surprised; (you would probably be satisfied) if a double-decker appeared out of nowhere and stopped this sinful screaming.

  In the advert the song in the background becomes catchy. So whatever you do, you won't escape this dreadful song. I would rather die than listen to this advert again. It is truly terrifying.

  This completely insignificant advert makes as much sense as a pair of anencephalous mongrels trying to behave like humans.

  The advert is trying to make you believe that just after entering a website you will be able to win a million pounds, but presenting it in such a irritating way makes you assume that teaching pigs to fly seems like a more reasonable thing to do.

  The bizarre question asked by the rather obese lady at the end makes the whole advert seem entertaining - if you haven't watched TV in the past 20 years.

  It seems as if it has no specific message to put through. Yet this absurd and whimsical advert seems to stay in your head, just like the lyrics of a song which you don't like listening to never dwindle.*

  In this advert everything seems to have a negative effect upon the audience. The song being sung by the two obese ladies links well with them - but the way they present themselves, the way they move, and the way they sing seems pompous and this puts the two characters in a bad way. It makes you want to pluck your eyes out and possibly destroy your TV with them.





*By dwindle I mean something on the lines of 'fade away'.

I tried to include everything ie: Imagery/comparison, Stating the obvious, misdirection, hyperbole and juxtaposition.

I don't think I included everything though, so I wrote only 302 words.
I had no idea what to write about. I want to get up to band 5 again so I'm guessing it needs a lot of improvement.
Ps.: Is the opening paragraph alright? Or should I start it in a different/better way? For higher impact? (If so could you give an example?)

Oskar Polanski

13 October 2013 at 10:01

Hi Oskar,

You are right, you've got everything in here but the whole piece lacks a little structure (good job this is Tuesday's lesson).

If you look at the openings of each paragraph, they are very similar and don't seem to link to each other. This is where discourse markers are important (words that signal the overall direction of your argument like however, on the other hand nevertheless).

You will have a better flow to your writing if you can add these in.

I think your first paragraph may need a couple of sentences to build up to the misdirection - maybe a few descriptive sentences using your positive vocabulary which will increase the impact of your complex sentence with pivot in attitude.

I think you could certainly improve 'puts the two characters in a bad way' with a bit of sophisticated vocabulary.

Overall doing well though.

Well done.

Anonymous
13 October 2013 at 21:00

Hello Sir,

Thank you for the feedback on the old version. Hope this is a bit better. I'm not sure if the opening of my 7th paragraph makes sense, I tried to include 'On the other hand' but I think I may have just thrown it in without checking if it makes sense. I hope it does though. It's 366 words long so I'll include more after Tuesday's lesson and after I receive feedback on this version.


  'Up your Bingo' is a vivid advert which clings to your mind with its relaxing music and amusing colours. The relaxing and pleasureful song will instantly make your day putting you in a better mood. After watching this prodigious advert your life will start to make more sense. You will now be able to win a immense amount of money by just entering a website. A dream come true - right? - unfortunately you will only see it in that way if you are visually impaired.

  Since the women are in the middle of a street, you wouldn't be surprised; (you would probably be satisfied) if a double-decker appeared out of nowhere and stopped this sinful screaming.

  In the advert the song in the background becomes catchy. So whatever you do, you won't escape this dreadful song. I would rather die than listen to this advert again. It is truly terrifying.

  This completely insignificant advert makes as much sense as a pair of anencephalous mongrels trying to behave like humans.

  Nonetheless the advert is trying to make you believe that just after entering a website you will be able to win a million pounds, but presenting it in such a irritating way makes you assume that teaching pigs to fly seems like a more reasonable thing to do.

  "Are you saying I'm fat?"
  
  The bizarre question asked by the rather obese lady at the end makes the whole advert seem entertaining - if you haven't watched TV in the past 20 years.

  On the other hand it seems as if it has no specific message to put through. Yet this absurd and whimsical advert seems to stay in your head, just like the lyrics of a song which you dislike listening to never dwindle.

  Nevertheless in this advert everything seems to have a negative effect upon the audience. The song being sung by the two obese ladies links well with them - but the way they present themselves, the way they move, and the way they sing seems pompous and this displays the two characters in a shabby; negative way. It makes you want to pluck your eyes out and possibly destroy your TV with them.


Thanks again Sir.

14 October 2013 at 19:02

Hi Oskar,

I like the opening though you might need to develop the last line to take into account the music too.

There is an improvement in the linking of your ideas but the middle section seems to be more stand alone paragraphs than developing an interpretation. Have you looked at the example I posted?

Have a look at it again after tomorrow's lesson on discourse markers and creating an argument. It is just the whole text structure we need to work on.

Well done.

Mr Milne

Anonymous
16 October 2013 at 19:54

Hello again Sir,

I think this might be what you wanted, of course I need to get the same amount of marks I got last time, so if there is anything I could improve on please do say so that I can improve. But if I wrote this word for word, would I get the mark I had last time? If no, then how can I improve?

'Up your Bingo' is a vivid advert which clings to your mind with its relaxing music and amusing colours. The relaxing and pleasureful song will instantly make your day putting you in a better mood. After watching this prodigious advert your life will start to make more sense. You will now be able to win a immense amount of money by just entering a website. A dream come true - right? - unfortunately incidents like that only appear in fairy tales; you will only see it in that way if you are visually impaired, or if you have been deafened by the marvelously hideous chant.

Since the women are in the middle of a street, you wouldn't be surprised; (you would probably be satisfied) if a double-decker appeared out of nowhere and stopped this sinful screaming.

Although the song becomes catchy; you get used to the devil's piece of astonishing composition. Lamentably the visual part of this horror will never abandon you. If watching this advert will help make my life heaven, after sitting through two minutes of audio-visual hell – I prefer to live my wonderfully tedious life.

This completely insignificant advert makes as much sense as a pair of anencephalous mongrels trying to behave like humans. Who... I repeat.. Who?! - Would want to listen to two obese ladies who find singing a colossal obstacle (I needn't say that they have just escaped from an asylum for mentally disabled people)?

Nonetheless the advert is trying to make you believe that just after entering a website you will be able to win a million pounds, but presenting it in such a irritating way makes you assume that teaching pigs to fly seems like a more reasonable thing to do. Speaking of pigs something caught my attention...

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

The bizarre question asked by the rather obese lady at the end makes the whole advert seem entertaining - if you haven't watched TV in the past 20 years.

On the other hand it seems as if it has no specific message to put through. Yet this absurd and whimsical advert seems to stay in your head, just like the lyrics of a song which you dislike listening to never dwindle.

Nevertheless in this advert everything seems to have a negative effect upon the audience. The song being sung by the two obese ladies links well with them - but the way they present themselves, the way they move, and the way they sing seems pompous and this displays the two characters in a shabby; negative way. It makes you want to pluck your eyes out and possibly destroy your TV with them.

Finally I do have to say – after watching this advert on TV my life hasn't improved one bit. It hasn't become a fairy tale. I haven't become a rich prince. Your advert didn't help me win a million pounds. On the contrary – it has tormented my thoughts – I will never be the same person again.

Thank You again,

Oskar

1 November 2013 at 13:53

Great Work Oskar - real progress. I hope my in class feedback made sense to you.

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