The exam is 1 hour 30 minutes long and is split into two sections.
Section A has two questions and is on Sunlight on the Grass.
Section B has two questions and is on Of Mice and Men.
Essentially you have to try and create 4 mini-essays analysing and evaluating 3 quotations (though always try to aim for one more) for each mini essay.
There are some great resources kicking around the internet to help you with your revision. This posting is aiming to collate some of these to allow you to have all your resources in the one place.
Remember -'Visible Revision' is key here. The more you write about and gain feedback about these stories the better you will become in performing under exam pressures.
First of all - here are a collection of excellent revision videos on each of the stories put together by some people calling themselves Short and Sweet GCSE Eng - we owe them thanks for putting together these resources which are available on Youtube but embedded below for your convenience.
On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning
Compass and Torch
Anil
The Darkness Out There
Something Old Something New
My Polish Teacher's Tie
When the Wasps Drowned
Over at www.mrbruff.com you also have some excellent links to both Of Mice and Men and Sunlight on the Grass.
Each week your homework is due and is slightly different to build you up to full exam practice.
Remember the key skills that you need to show in each paragraph of your answer:
Point that directly answers the question (add a device for more sophistication).
An appropriate quotation (Embedded for fluency and a more sophisticated writing style)
Paraphrase where the quotation has come from.
Analyse (Zoom in on a key word)
Evaluate (Zoom out - what is the strength of the writer's choices and what message are they trying to convey)
Link all your analysis back to your main answer to the question.
Week 1 - Due Friday 7th March - One paragraph analysing one quotation for the following:
- How does the writer present relationships in The Compass and Torch?
- How does the writer present relationships in a story of your choice?
Time yourself - you should aim to complete this in no more than 15 minutes.
Week 2 - Due Friday 14th March - One full answer to question one, one paragraph analysing one quotation for the second question:
- How does the writer present appearances in 'The Darkness Out There'.
- How does the writer present appearances in a story of your choice.
Time yourself - you should aim to complete this in no more than half an hour.
Week 3 - Due Friday 21st March - One full exam answer to both questions:
- How does the writer present different cultures in 'Something Old Something New'?
- How does the writer present different cultures in a story of your choice?
Time yourself - you should aim to complete this in no more than forty five minutes.
Week 4 - Due Friday 28th March - One paragraph that you have improved from any two of the questions above. (Two paragraphs improvement in total).
+ comments + 59 comments
In the poem 'compass and torch' the writers shows the relationship between the father and son as lost. he shows it through the use of symbolism. The line "then he groans:'I didn't bring a compass." This ' symbolizes that not only will they be lost but they're relationship is also lost. The word 'groans' symbolizes that the boy feels that he has forgotten something important symbolizing that he has forgotten his relation ship with his dad that is also important. Later on in the story the boy looks on the brighter side of forgetting his compass. the line "But they don't need a compass after all" shows that although they have forgotten his compass he they will still be able to find their way. This symbolizes that although they have forgotten about their relationship they will still connect and get along just as they would if they had remembered. - Callum Allison
Good Callum. You are covering the first 4 key skills: Point, Quotation, Paraphrase and Analysis and you are linking back to the ideas in the question. This is a good B+ paragraph.
Be careful with the accuracy of your writing as you do get marks for this. There are sentences without capital letters and you are using american spelling.
To improve the sophistication of your work you could try to embed your quotations so that they flow within your sentence and you could try to evaluate what is strong about the writer's use of language and what kind of point they are trying to make overall.
Remember to do your second paragraph for any of the other stories.
The writer presents relationships in the compass and torch as lost he does this through symbolism the word "compass" in the title highlights they need sense of direction in their relationship. However the "torch conveys the light in the relationship. Also the line "its a red one" comes as they are talking about their torches the word "red" suggests stop in the relationship and also presents the delay of their bonding. However later on in the story the boy then asks his dad what coloured torch he has. The line "Err...its green" implies the start of their relationship and the bond becoming stronger. However its not always that easy for his dad to connect with his son the line "No hope of him trying to RELATE to him, full stop" the word "full stop" highlights it is the end of that and there is no hope for him also the words "No hope" implies that he has left it too long for him to relate to his son and he will never be able to relate to him again. The dad soon realizes that he will never get his relationship back to normal with his son this is conveyed in the line "he has lost his son" the word "lost" highlights he will never find the bond he had with his son again.
In the story "My polish Teachers tie" the writer presents relationships as complicated. The word "My" in the title implies sense of ownership. Also the "tie" symbolises the bond between her and the teacher. The line "I am half-polish. They don't know that here." This highlights she is too shy to tell anyone and is ashamed of where she comes from . Also the line "No,'I said, 'I was just wondering, could I have that address?" also suggests she is shy this comes as she find out about the new teacher the word "wondering" suggests she is shy. However later on in the story her relationship with her colleagues and the teacher start to develop and grow the line "Hello I said. He jumped up, held out his hand." This comes in the story where she fist meets the teacher that she had been writing to the word "Hello" suggests Carla's confidence growing since she didn't speak to anybody before. Also she becomes proud of her country "His red tie with its bold green squiggles was much too wide and much too bright. It was a flag from another country". The words "from another country" implies she is no longer ashamed to talk about her country also the "bold green squiggles" again highlight confidence growing as she is not scared to be different or to stand out. This shows that her relationships with other people is complicated because she finds it hard to be herself around other people. -Megan Harris
Great in-depth analysis Megan. Well done.
You have some excellent ideas in here which would be enough for a B or an A. What makes me hold back from an A is the construction of your writing. It becomes a little bit of a list and doesn't quite read fluently. There are two things you can do to help this.
1) Embed your quotations for fluency (where the quotation flows as part of the sentence.
2) Ensure you consistently thread your ideas to the key words in the question.
E.g.
The character Carla says she is 'half-polish' and 'they don't know that here' suggesting the complicated relationship she has with her background as she is too shy or ashamed to acknowledge her background.
Here the quotations flow as part of the sentence and link to the key words in the question.
Well done.
In the peom 'compass and torch' the writer shows how the relationship between the son and father as lost, which symbolises the seperation of the family. The relationship between ‘the boy’ and ‘the Dad’ is completely damaged a line to show this ''The first time in four months he has his eight-year-old son and what does he plan to do?'' This symbolises that the Dad is lost of what to do with his son as he hasnt seen him in a while. The word 'plan' symbolises that the dad and son have lost their relationship with eachother. - James Clarke
In the poem 'Compass and torch' the writers shows relationship between the father and son as being very difficult i can see this when the writer says 'he groans i didn't bring a compass' this shows that' this mean that the compass is really important because without it he can't show the way it could also highlight about their relationship thats its faded away and they don't know how to get it back. Also in the title 'compass and torch' this symbolises the father and son relationship for example 'compass' could highlight their relationship as being lost and they are trying to find it again. As well as this 'torch' could reflect how the boys feels about his father as in hes trying to find hope in their relationship again.
The writer presents relationships in the poem 'Give' between the homeless man and passing strangers. The line "For coppers i can dance or sing" this comes as the homeless man is explaining what he will do in exchange for coppers. The word "copper" suggests he isnt looking for much as people normally have it loose in there pockets and dont have a need for it. Also in return for your kindess of giving a copper he will "dance or sing" for you which is an embarassing thing to do but he puts that aside which shows he is determined to get some money and entertain the helpful strangers. So from this you can tell the relationship between the homless man and generous strangers is good as you both will not be left empty handed. So the wider message is "You scratch my back and ill scratch yours". Michael Le
In the short story ‘The Compass and Torch’ the writer presents relationships as a relationship between a father and son that has been lost as in the title uses the word ‘Compass’ to suggest that the relationship between the son and father needs guidance as the don’t have a strong bond anymore. The word ‘Torch’ also symbolises guidance and how maybe there is some light and chance within the relationship to find itself. “The man looks up…Then he groans ‘I didn’t bring a compass.’” This quotation implies how the man is angry how he has forgotten his compass and could also symbolise that he is angry with himself for losing his connection with his son. However the constant repetition of the word ‘torch’ would suggest that even though they don’t have a compass to guide them they have the torch to guide them in the right direction within their relationship.
In the short story ‘Something Old, Something New’ the writer presents relationships as a relationship between a man and his fiancé and that the man is very needy and the woman is treated like a possession. In the title it says ‘Something New’ this could symbolise that the man is marrying his wife and getting something new, a new object or possession and he is leaving ‘Something Old’ behind. After the man and woman get married her father says “Congratulations, we’ve given her to you know” this implies that the father is just handing here over as if she was his possession and now the man owns her. The man is also shown as needy “It’s been rough for me…feel sorry for me.” This suggests that he needs her to just think about him, which goes back to how the woman is treated like a possession, the man is speaking to her as if she is just an object and doesn’t have any thoughts and feeling of her own so she must only think about him. - Hannah Jenkins
1) Elizabeth Baines uses fractured narrative in her short story Compass and Torch to present the confusion in the relationship between the boy and his father. This fractured narrative can be seen as specifically confused and distant feelings with the father. When the boy is shown as distant to his father the story will be presented in third person limited ‘‘ ‘Right!’ he echoes and sets off too’. By referring to the boy as ‘he’ it highlights that it is not personal and characteristic as some of the story that is written in third person limited. The author could have done this to highlight the confusion the boys feeling and how sometimes he feels close to his dad and other times he feel as if he is pushed away. The writer has used fractured narrative subtly but successfully to convey the confusion and distant feelings the boy experiences in his and his father’s relationship.
2) Haruki Murakami presents relationships in On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning as something that happen with destiny and that they can be very powerful. The protagonist of the story has just seen a girl he feels he is utterly in love with; he proceeds to talk to his friend about the girl and what he would say to her if he had the chance ‘explain to her the complexities of fate that have lead to us passing each other’. The narrator only saw this girl while ‘passing’ her but seem to have completely fallen for her. Murakami uses the imagery of ‘fate’ and how unlikely it is to see a girl once and know with such certainty you’re in love with them. This presents how strong and powerful the emotions are that have been involved in this fleeting relationship. Murakami has successfully used imagery to convey how destiny can present someone with a very strong and powerful relationship even if it is for a short time.
In the poem 'when the wasps drown' the writer presents feelings through the use of symbolism. The line "I remebmer him laughing as I turned the hose on her"symbolises that the brother thought that it was fuuny to see his sister get hurt and wet. This shows a love hate relationship between them. It shows a love hate relationship as he loves his sister unconditionally but thinks its funny to see her get hurt symbolising he has slight hatred for his sister. The word 'laughing' symbolises that he is quite childish to see laugh at his sister but it also shows that he may be quite young. Later on in the poem Therese and Tyler start bonding showing that they are close and enjoy doing things together. the line "we're digging to australia" symbolises that they want to get there together showing that they have quite a strong relationship as brother and sister. - Callum Allison
How does the writer present relationships in 'Compass and Torch'?
At the very beginning of the story, Baines uses the words 'bleached', 'bruised' and 'granite', from the semantic field of pain, to suggest that the relationship between the 'boy' and 'man' is rough. The word 'bleached' conjures images of something without colour, hope, while the word 'bruised' creates a sense of damage, almost as if Baines wants to suggest that the relationship is weak and fragmented. The plosive nature of the sounds also create the effect of suggesting aggression - perhaps aggression that caused the fragility in their relationship. However, though the abrupt first sentence could suggest the inextensive quality to their relationship, Baines uses the word 'gate', which not only highlights the barrier in their relationship, but it subtly suggests the opening of prospects for their relationship. Hence, Baines is able to foreshadow that although the relationship is weak and fragile, the story will see the 'boy' and 'man' go on a journey - symbolised by the 'road' - to restore a relationship.
Another story:
Dunmore's 'My Polish Teacher's Tie' uses an ambiguous title. The use of the possessive pronoun 'my' suggests that the narrator, Carla, feels a sense of belonging and ownership over Stephen. However, the word 'tie' could create the literal effect of representing the tie worn around Stephen's neck, as if to suggest the interconnected Polish heritage that makes up the foundation of Stephen and Carla's friendship . On the other hand, another reader may interpret that the word 'tie' represents the emotional attachment that Carla feels towards Stephen. Dunmore uses this ambiguity in the word 'tie' to suggest the multiple opinions that people can have of others, like the different opinions people had of Carla, and that you will also find someone that you can build an emotional connection towards, as Carla found with Stephen.
Aaran
In the story the compass and the torch the writer presents relationships between the father and son. 'From the separation...he could only half listen to the child's earnest, desperate voice' this portrays the relationship as it has been lost and then gained again so the man is overwhelmed that he has his child back. 'Separation' this shows us that they were apart, so the relationship they had was gone. However it could show us that being separated for a certain amount of time, has built their relationship up to be stronger. The writer has done this to show us that not everything lasts forever, and sometimes a break is what you need to build your relationship up.
In the story on seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning the writer also creates a relationship but one that don't last forever. 'They passed each other' this portrays a love loss relationship, where they have gone from each other and not returned. 'Passed' this shows us they are no longer together, as they just walk aside. On the other hand it could mean it was in the past, and now they are friends again and the relationship has rebuilt. The writer has created this to show us that not everything happens for a reason, and that being without some one will make them fade away from you.
Both writers have shown in their story's the relationship between them both don't last forever, and not each rebuilds, however some relationships do.
Ellishia Savage
Feedback - James Clarke,
James - you are showing the key skills here but need to remember these are short stories and not poems. One thing you do need to do to improve this is to link your analysis of 'plan' back to the question.
You also need to do a paragraph on the second part of the question
Feedback - Bruno Rosa
Bruno - you are showing the key skills here but need to remember these are short stories and not poems. You've added depth to your analysis by including the title but one thing you do need to do to improve this is to link your analysis back to the question and your answer of relationships being 'very difficult'.
You also need to do a paragraph on the second part of the question
Feedback - Michael Le
Michael - You are showing the correct skills for English Literature but this is preparing you for Unit 1 which is on the short stories not poetry. Please re-do completing a paragraph for each question: One on A Compass and Torch and one on a short story of your choice.
Feedback - Hannah Jenkins
Hannah - You are showing analytical skills in both answers. I'd like to see you add depth by focusing on key words in your last quotation and perhaps offering an alternative interpretation. You could also use some evaluative phrases to point out how successful the writer's use of language is in conveying their overall message.
Feedback - Freya Sumner
Great Freya - your evaluative approach is very successful. You are using high level specific terminology to show you are a top level candidate. You are analysing, evaluating and linking this to the question. You could add greater fluency with to your writing with more successful embedding of quotations.
Feedback - Callum Allison 2
Callum - remember these are short stories and not poems. You've not made a point which answers the question which in turn makes your analysis a bit long winded when focusing on the idea of relationship. Make sure you use some of the words from the question consistently to show the examiner you are addressing those key ideas.
Feedback - Aaran
Your first paragraph is stronger than your second because it is focused specifically on the idea of 'relationship' in the question. This allows the examiner to see the close focus on the question. You could also use some evaluative phrases (look at Freya's answer for example) such as 'subtly', 'successfully' 'clearly' to show you are able to pick out and judge the success of the writing.
Your second paragraph falls down because there is not that close focus on the question. Try to always use the key words in the question to link back to demonstrate the ability to create a focused answer.
Feedback - Ellishia Savage
Ellishia - Your skills are really developing. Your first paragraph shows you hitting the skills of analysis and developing the skills of evaluation. When looking at the writers message try to show how successfully the use of language conveys this.
Your second paragraph doesn't quite work because the words 'passed' and 'past', although being homophones (sounding the same) don't carry both meanings (one is different from the other) so your analysis of this word doesn't quite work.
Elizabeth Baines uses fractured narrative in the short story ‘Compass and Torch’ to present the confusion of the father and son’s relationship and also to highlight that it’s lost and almost impossible to retrieve. The writer also shows that the father is quite unorganised and when “He groans: “I didn’t bring a compass.”” the writer emphasises that he doesn’t particularly care about his broken relationship with his son as he doesn’t make much of an effort to remember his things. The unorganised traits of the father could also portray the relationship as all over the place and that it is hard to control. The compass represents guidance and direction and the fact that neither the father nor son brought their compasses shows that they both don’t know how to fix this crumbled relationship and they’re looking for some sort of guidance from something or someone, even though they are handling the situation differently. The father doesn’t seem to care and he knows that their relationship won’t ever be the same and it can’t be fixed, however the son is trying his hardest to make it work and become close again. This overall shows the emotional confusion in their relationship and their own thoughts and feelings, and it also shows that they’re both lost with their opposite opinions on how to handle their situation.
In the short story ‘Something Old, Something New’, Leila Aboulela presents the relationship of the man and his fiancée as something difficult to hold on to especially when one is asked to change their lifestyle for the other, and because of love, they have to go along with it. The title of the story “Something Old, Something New” shows the traditional saying associated with Christian weddings, however it can also represent his old life and then his new life that he’s about to take on. The caesura used in the middle highlights the fact that he’s finding it difficult to move on with his life and face something completely different that he is not used to. This portrays his true emotions are very controversial and that deep down he’s having second thoughts of taking on a new lifestyle. The wider message that the writer is trying to convey is that moving on in a relationship can be difficult when you’re still not completely certain about it. - Kayley-May W.
The writer presents appearances in 'My Polish Teachers Tie' as being grateful.The line 'I wear a uniform, blue overall and white cap with the school logo on it. Part time catering staff' This comes at the start as he is describing his job and uniform. His uniform is a traditional school catering uniform such as the 'blue overall and white cap with school logo' The white cap' represents hygene. Also the blue overall and school logo on his uniform represents he works in the catering department. Another line ' thats me £3.89 per hour' suggests this is a low paying job, even though he says 'its not a bad job. i like the kids' suggests although its low pay and hardwork he doesnt mind it as the kids make it a better job for him as he likes them. So this makes his appearance grateful for what hes got as a job and just trys to enjoy it. Michael Le
Penelope Lively presents appearances using imagery in The Darkness Out There as something that may be positive at first but can have dark under tones. The protagonist of the story has just met up with the boy, Kerry who she is to go and care for an old woman with. When she first sees this woman she describes her as ‘a creamy smiling pool of a face in which her eyes snapped and darted’. At first this quotation provides a positive image of Mrs Rutter (the old woman) yet the fact ‘her eyes snapped and darted’ conveys violent and even scary imagery. This highlights that even though at the start of the quote Mrs Rutter is portray to have ‘a creamy smiling pool of a face’ which is a stereotypical image of an old person she has a dark under layer. Lively successfully uses imagery to present appearances as something that may be positive at first but have dark under tones.
Clare Wigfall uses Juxtaposition to present how appearances can reveal a lot about the person. The protagonist of this Bildungsroman, Eveline is wearing ‘a bikini from a pair of pink knickers and an old vest I’d cropped just below my nipples’. The appearance of this persona is one that is very mature and even provocative yet looking in to it further you can see the immaturity of it. The bikini was made from a ‘pair of pink knickers’ suggesting that she is still a child as a normal adult would own or purchase a real bikini. Furthermore ‘pink’ is a quite stereotypical childish feminine colour. Overall this appearance creates a persona of someone who would like to be seen as mature but is still a child in their way of thinking. Wigfall uses juxtaposition successfully but subtly to present how appearances can reveal a lot about a character.
Owen Moment
The writer presents relationships in the story "Compass and Torch" as it explains "IN WHICH HE AND HIS FATHER WILL BE TWO MEN". This shows the boys excitement to be spending time with his father which he has a weak connection to. Also i think the horse that comes up to the car is signifying the mother watching over the boy and making sure that he is safe, I think this because it explains "THE HORSE COMES UP TO THE CAR,SHE NUDGES UP, PUTS HER NOSE OVER" The words "NUDGES" and "COMES UP" Shows this. Also the title "COMPASS AND TORCH" shows relationships. I think this because the compass would signify the way to go by the father leading the way and the torch is the the light of the younger generation following the fathers lead.
Feedback - Kayley May Williams
Kayley - This is a strong piece. Your use of terminology is excellent. Remember that it is 'disorganised' rather than 'unorganised'.
To develop this you could use some more evaluative phrases in order to develop higher level thinking skills into your analysis.
Feedback - Michael Le
Michael - remember the character in the short story is a 'she' not a 'he'. When you are analysing the writer's presentation of appearances you need to suggest what it tells us about how the character appears and how that might link to their personality.
You also need to write a full answer on the writer's presentation of appearances in The Darkness Out There. Please do this (time yourself for 22 minutes) and also complete the first week's homework on the Short Storied and not the poetry.
Feedback - Freya Sumner
Remember to use 'quotation' and not 'quote'. Your skills are secure here but you could get more out of your evaluative section:
'Lively successfully uses imagery to present appearances as something that may be positive at first but have dark under tones.'
could develop to:
'here Lively successfully use imagery to explore how we judge people by their appearance and highlight that our first impressions may often miss the darker characteristics of a person'
This becomes less repetitive but also broadens (zooms out) the focus from that initial point to a wider one the writer could be exploring.
Feedback - Owen Moment
You have some nice analysis in your answer but it reads almost like a list of everything you know about the short story without linking it to the question. You must create strong links to the question after each analysis so your answer remains focused and gains the maximum mark.
Try to vary your use of discourse markers as this will also help to give the sense you are building an argument.
Try things like sequence markers:
Firstly etc
Development ones:
In addition
The writer presents relationships in the Compass and torch as being lost between the father and son this is reflected through the device symbolism. In the title the word 'compass' suggests the lose of direction in their relationship but without this compass they wouldn't know where to head in their relationship. Too add to this the word 'torch' suggests their is light in their relationship. Although their relationship is broken now the light reflects they can see each other and the light is guiding them to their relationship. "the horse comes up to the car. She nudges up,puts her nose over the edge of the door.The man bats her away" By the man pushing the horse away suggest he just wants the relationship to be between himself and his son. By the words 'bats her away' suggests he used anger towards the horse as by others getting involved has interfered in their father and son relationship in the past. However by him pushing the horse away reflects to us he is wanting this relationship to work with just them two together and he isn't prepared to risk their relationship again. The lost relationship between the father and son is suggested to be getting better however their is lack in direction which is reflected through the title and continued to be lost which is also reflected when the horse tries to get involves suggests the man wants to re bulid his relationship alone.
In the story 'on seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful april morning' the writer presents relationships as not lasting forever. 'of fate that have led to passing each other on a side street' By the word 'passing' suggests they arent together anymore and the feelings have just come and gone as the girl has. By the relationship being suggested as brought from 'fate' reflects that the relationship was never meant to be as they only passed eachother, instead of communicating it suggests the fate was never there and it was just thought to be there as quickly as it had disappeared. The relationship is reflected to be not forever lasting throughout the short story as the girl only passes the girl suggesting she has never been connected. -Ella Bewick
Feedback - Ella Bewick
These are strong paragraphs Ella. You are clearly analysing in depth and relating this to the themes the writer is exploring. Just remember though that before each quotation you should be making a point which links to the question. From there you can embed your quotations to add fluency and sophistication to your writing.
How does the writer present appearances in the darkness out there?
The writer presents appearances using the device imagery. At the beginning of this short story Mrs.Rutter is portrayed as "Old Mrs.Rutter wit her wonky leg" this suggests to the audience that she is helpless by not having a normal leg. It makes you picture an old woman with a wonky leg struggling to walk makes you suggest she struggles in life and you feel very sympathetic towards Mrs.Rutter. However if you continue reading she is suggested violent "in which her eyes snapped and darted" By the use of the words "snapped" and "darted" creates a violent and a scary image of someone. "darted" suggests violent imagery its self because when you think of darts they just come straight at you with no interference. This suggests Mrs.Rutter's eyes are staring with no feeling to stop. By appearances being presented through the use of imagery suggests an image to the audience which makes them build a picture in their head of Mrs.Rutter, however she is presents as a kind old lady at first but this changed through out the story,which foreshadows her actions she tells the children.
How does the writer present appearances in a short story of your choice?
In the short story "when the wasps drowned" the writer presents appearances as reveling a persons image. Eveline is suggested to be older than she is however in a childish manor. "I'd fashioned a bikini from a pair of pink knickers and an old vest which i'd cropped just below my nipples" by Eveline being a child and cropping a top "just below my nipples" suggests she is revealing a lot of body and is sounding to try and act older than she is. However on the other hand, by the use of the word "pink knickers" it is a childish feminine thing to do. Also as the colour is pink is it suggests a childish girl within. If this was an adult they would buy a fashioned bikini, not underwear. By the young girl wearing underwear and suggesting it as a bikini, is reflecting to the audience that Eveline is making herself look older and more mature by creating her own bikini.
Ella Bewick
The writer presents different cultures in 'Something old something new' as awkward 'he wanted her to sit next to him ... unfair they should be separated like that '.This is where he has just met her brother. The word 'separated' highlights he feels miles apart from her because of their different cultures this implies it is awkward as he cant say anything because her brother understands English 'but he could not say that, not least because the brother understood English.' The words 'could not' highlights he didn't want to make things worse between their cultures since they had to follow each others rules. However he was going to say 'you have no idea how much I ache for you, you have no idea. This is where they are travelling to the house and he doesn't want to make a bad impression to her brother. The word 'ache' implies he hates that they have to be apart however he knows he cant say anything since it is their belief. So it also shows that it is difficult for their relationship to run smoothly from all the different beliefs and rules that are involved in the belief.
The writer presents different cultures in 'Anil' as uncomfortable he does this through pathetic fallacy 'on a hot, sweltering night in the middle of March.' This comes in the introduction of the story. The word 'sweltering' implies hot sticky weather which highlights an uncomfortable atmosphere. Also there is a lot of conflict between the different cultures 'but tonight he could only make out one hole, because through it, a small star shone down upon him.' This is where the murder is about to take place as he starts to see things. The words 'shone down upon him' highlight he has a dream as if there is fate awaiting for him. However peoples cultures and jealousy come in the way of this when they decide to send him away 'the train leaving the village' this comes after he has been told he is going to be successful however he has been tricked it implies that they believe that god will lead you to what you will do however he has dreams so they may think that is wrong of him to do that. -Megan Harris
The writer Leila Aboulela in 'something old, something new' presents different cultures by using connotations and personification. She uses connotations when she writes " The windows wide open; voices noises, car-horns, people crossing the road at random...as if the cars were benign cattle" comes after the man went out of the terminal and met the woman. The words "people crossing the road at random" implies that the town in which they're located at is very busy, and that its a different culture to us, hence the reason why we have road signs and predestine crossings to make it safer, but the images that are put into my head about that place makes it seem really busy and un-safe. Which in comparison makes it seem totally different to the short story.
Ridjal Noor also manages to present cultures in Anil by using symbolism, and connotations. He does this in the quotation " a small star shone down upon him" this quote comes before he has found the woman being hung on the tree. The word " star" is a symbol which is used through out the story to represent dreams and hopes of Anil, and most of the time through out the book the star is shining down upon him, which could also imply that he has a guardian angel looking down on him and looking out for him even when he is in danger. He also presents culture when he writes " They. Peyi. Pesase. Ghosts."
The line suggests that he has childish fears, and is still scared of ghosts, this could also represent as a symbol because he might think that a ghost would come back and haunt him if he doesnt tell the truth about really happened.
In comparison both Ridjal Noor, and Leila Aboulela present culture in the short stories by th use of symbolism and connotations
--- Lara Way.
Feedback - Ella Bewick
You need to make a specific point in your answer that you can link back to. Though you have the ability to analyse this isn't as strongly linked to the question as it could be. You've shown in your first example the ability to analyse to a B / A grade level but because you don't have the strong link to the question your second would only be a C grade.
Focus on your target of embedding your quotations and using some evaluative phrases.
Feedback - Megan Harris
You have two strong pieces here with developed analysis. To improve you could use some evaluative phrases to link to what the writer is suggesting or successful at conveying like we looked at in class today with Curley's Wife.
Feedback - Lara Way
Remember you don't need to compare for this section. You are analysing the text but you then mention techniques that are not apparent in the quotations you use. Be careful of doing this - if you are unsure of whether your quotation has a device, don't mention the technique.
You do need to create a stronger link to the question though.
How does the writer present different cultures in ‘Something Old, Something New’?
Leila Aboulela presents different cultures as something that can have the potential of bringing people together through new experiences and traditions but also cause preconceived stereotyping. She does this by highlighting the struggles in adjusting to a new or different environment.
At the beginning of the story the Scotsman – who is never named which suggests an idea of Aboulela’s that it could be anyone – seems troubled and disturbed by accepting aspects of Sudanese culture in contrast to his own. This is evident in the very first line, ‘Her country disturbed him’ which evokes several questions for the reader of why that is the case. Throughout the majority of the story he is presented as judgemental in a stereotypical sense which conveys his mistrust in different cultures and therefore links back to Aboulela’s wider message of people being mislead through stereotyping. In the third person omniscient his fears that ‘Anyone of these passers-by could easily punch him through the window, yank off his watch’ are expressed and presents is insecurities of mistrust in the country’s stability. His strong perception could have been caused by the influence of others around him in Scotland. Even though ‘the contrast startled him’ another concept that Aboulela presents towards the end of the story is that through the acceptance of cultural differences people can be brought together. As the Scotsman becomes immerged and accustomed to his fiancé’s culture he seems to be more confident about their relationship and his new opinion of Islam encompassing ‘elegance and reason’. This contrasts significantly with his original negative and violent preconceptions of the country. Aboulela is demonstrating the powerfulness of the influence of cultures and a strong love for someone.
Leila Aboulela successfully presents two contrasting and extensive viewpoints of people from different cultures of prejudice judgement and an acceptance of differences through the developing relationship of two individuals; conveying that cultural differences do not always generate negativity.
Harriet
How does the writer present different cultures in a story of your choice?
In ‘My Polish Teacher’s Tie’ Helen Dunmore presents different cultures as surrounding discriminative views but explores the fact that there is hope for friendship and a breaking down of social judgement. Dunmore does this through an almost microcosm within a school to show different behaviours and characters.
The protagonist Carla Carter is portrayed as a person who is self-deprecating and does not see herself as part of the same entity as the teaching staff because she works in catering and serves them. Her inferiority is highlighted when people like the Head teacher, who lacks in sincerity and has little knowledge of staff outside of the teaching fraternity speaks to her. He stumbles over her name, ‘Oh, er – Mrs, er – Carter’ which shows he has trouble in remembering who she is and shows that she is not of much importance to him. She feels invisible and this is demonstrated when she describes the Head to ‘vanish in a knot of teachers’. The word ‘knot’ suggests that Carla feels like an outsider as not being part of the group because the collective or ‘knot’ of people is impenetrable. When the theme of her Polish heritage is introduced as readers, the correlation between the discriminative behaviour in school and with different cultures is evident. This is because Steve, her Polish penfriend, is introduced and teachers judge him by his appearance and accent. ‘It’s the way he talks’, is said by a teacher called Valerie, ‘...they can’t keep a straight face’. Even though Dunmore explores the unspoken but continuing sense of national supremacy and prejudice views she ends the story with a final paragraph which epitomises her wider message of there being a possibility for different cultures to live together. Steve accepts Carla for who she is and does not judge her for what she does or where she comes from. The tie becomes a metaphor for a world without discrimination and a world with hope as it is ‘bright’ and ‘bold’, suggesting that you should not be frightened in expressing your pride.
Dunmore presents a strong message of how two people from different cultures can have hope in companionship and confidence in themselves which can be interpreted to be the same in a larger format, such as two different groups of people or even between countries.
Harriet
Feedback - Harriet
Something Old Something New - This is a successful analysis and evaluation of the text, You've done brilliantly well at zooming in on the specifics and also in taking an evaluative approach to the text.
Did you time yourself completing this? You'll gain marks for the quality of your writing and occasionally you mistakenly use some words like 'emerged' when I think you mean 'immersed'.
Otherwise this is a strong top level answer. You just need to make sure you can complete this level of work under exam timing and pressure.
Polish Teacher's Tie
Again this is a strong piece of work. You could take an evaluative approach with each quotation to strengthen it and build the thread of your argument that you present in the final paragraph.
Well done - two top level pieces.
Thank you, that's really helpful feedback.
I didn't time myself accurately but I know that it definitely took longer than the time you said we should aim at of 45 minutes...
My time management is the thing I am most worried about because I'm struggling with writing a full answer in 20 minutes or so. Do you suggest that I just keep practicing questions or is there anything else in addition that you think would help?
Harriet
Steinbeck uses Crooks to present attitude towards black people in the time this novella was set by symbolising black and white races comparing to eachother. During this time the novella was set USA was going through the big depression and black people were being troubled with marginalization. During the novella crooks says "if i say something, why it's just another nigger sayin' it" crooks is suggesting he feels the lower classed he is put in due to his race,however he is realising that people have no respect to him because of this. By the use of the word "why" reflects he is questioning himself why people lower him because of his race and why he isn't treated with inequality to white people. It also suggests that crooks is getting used to the feeling of being lower classed due to society during this novella, however he is wanting people to see this. To add to this by the words "just another nigger" suggests he is named for his appearance and he is treated differently because of his race, Steinbeck is reflecting that all black people were treated so differently to other races because of their races and he is wanting the audience to see how define the separation in society was towards black people.
Ella Bewick
In the short story ‘The Darkness Out There’ the writer presents appearances through how people and places aren’t always how they seem. For example the old woman seems like a nice person, however she has a dark side to her “a creamy smiling pool of a face in which her eyes snapped and darted.” This implies that with a first glance she would seem to have a soft, kind face however it says ‘her eyes snapped and darted.’ This highlights that she had something almost evil about her that you wouldn’t notice straight away. Also the setting ‘Packers End’ at the start of the story is shown to be a scary place “You didn’t go by yourself through Packer’s End if you could help it…nasty, creepy.” This suggests how it is supposed to represent fear as it says ‘nasty, creepy.’ This gives you the idea it is an eerie, scary place that is full of things to be afraid of. However at the end of the story it suggests that at the beginning it was really representing childish fears and that really it’s reality that’s scary. “There was not the girl realised, wolves or witches or tigers.” This highlights that at the beginning this was what Packers end was seen to be a place full of dangerous things but in reality it was just all in their heads, childish fears that they had made up.
In the short story ‘On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning’ the writer presents appearances through how the main character sees a girl that he thinks is perfect, however he doesn’t describe her as perfect which makes the story ironic to the title. For example in this quotation “I don’t know. I can’t seem to remember anything about her-” this suggests that she wasn’t that memorable despite him believing that she is the 100% perfect girl for him. This also highlights how it’s not necessarily appearances that make some fall in love with another person. -Hannah Jenkins (sorry its late)
How does the writer present relationships in "Compass and Torch" -
The writer presents relationships in compass and torch as dark and relationships that need help and are cracking.
For example, the boy and fathers relationship is dark, this is indicated by the writers use of so much symbolism. Firstly, the young boy is hopeful to have a new relationship with his dad, showing he's happy, but the dad is not feeling the same, this is shown by his 'wrenching smile' suggesting he's going along with the idea but is reluctant to it.
Also the lack of hope in the dad is shown when he realises he has left his 'compass' . This is symbolism that he doesn't know where the relationship is going and he feels lost. Although, the boy feels that if they put their two torches together, they 'can light more up,' this shows the boy is fixed on the idea of having a real relationship with his dad, and that is both put in an equal effort then the relationship will be even brighter.
At the end of the short story, the boy falls asleep with his torch. This is symbolising that the boy doesn't want to let his dad slip from his fingers because he's so desperate. Later the dad takes away his torch, symbolising him cutting and losing hope and light that the boy had brought in the relationship
All the way through this short story, there is symbolism to the horses, they're always getting in the way of the relationship the young boy and father are trying to build, I believe this is symbolic towards the mom, this is because she doesn't want the boy to be with his father because she dislikes him. This is shown in the start of the short story when she talks in a rude way about the boys dad. As the horses keep coming back and back the dad loses more and more hope, and finally the horses win, conveying she's the one with the power over her son and she's always watching. - Melissa Andrews
Penelope Lively’s short story ‘The Darkness Out There’ is one which deals with the theme of appearances, in the sense that they can be deceptive and misleading. Lively crafts the protagonist, Sandra, to represent the masses of teenagers that are on the threshold of adulthood, and how they can be forced into the menacing adult world through the realisation that sometimes people are not who they seem to first be. Alongside this, however, the story deals with personal appearances and how they can change as you age: throughout the story, Sandra undergoes sexual awakening as she takes notice of her ‘own’, ‘bare’ and ‘brown legs’. It’s almost as if Lively wanted to highlight the self-awareness and awareness of deception that comes with adulthood.
Lively starkly juxtaposes the reader’s preconceptions of Mrs Rutter with her dark, concealed lie. At the beginning, Mrs Rutter is described as a ‘dear old thing’, suggesting a warm, kind-hearted character, while later we are told that her face ‘composed of circles’ and was a ‘creamy smiling pool’. ‘Circles’ conveys images of a teddy-bear, conjuring an image of love and support, suggesting the motherly nature that Mrs Rutter has, while the alliterative ‘c’ sounds suggests a sense of scraping, as if to suggest a more hard, evil interior that is lying beneath Mrs Rutter façade. This subtle juxtaposition is used by Lively to highlight how, despite how there can be little hints, we are always deceived and misguided in the end.
Additionally, the use of the character of Kerry is significant, though not highlighting how appearances can be decisive, but to highlight our own oblivion to the fact that, while we fail to the see the evil concealed within someone, we may also fail to see the good concealed within someone. In the very first description of Kerry, we judge him by his ‘licked-down hair’ and ‘slitty eyes’. Both of these connote the idea of a rough, perhaps violent, teenage boy, which we assume Kerry is. Yet later, like Sandra realises, we think that ‘he has grown’. The balanced construction used here by Lively highlights that he is the same person that he was before, but we have only seen it now. This allows Lively to successfully communicate the inner-goodness that Kerry has, to the reader, making them feel guilty for judging him, while also reinforcing her idea that first impressions are not always the right impression that have made.
All in all, Lively really wanted to take the reader on a journey – hence she used the close focus third person – with Sandra, to show them the reality of the appearances in the world: appearances are generally wrong – some are deceptive, but some are just never explored. The irregularity in the structure through its continuous transition between sunlight and darkness is just a subtle way for Lively to further reinforce the transition of a first appearance: the person can really be corrupt by evil inside, or sweet and innocent, though Lively is suggesting that it is what is on the inside that we will have to find out. Unfortunately, as personified through Sandra, it is usually the innocent that find out - too soon.
Wigfall’s short story ‘When the Wasps Drowned’ uses many symbols, such as the ‘wasps’, to represent appearances. ‘Wasps’ suggest pain and danger, as if to highlight the pain that comes with growing-up – what all of the children are experiencing – though another reader could alternatively interpret that Wigfall is using the ‘wasps’ as a distraction from the real danger: Mr Mordecai. This creates the effect of highlighting to the reader how they were misled into believing that the real danger lied with the ‘wasps’, when really it was with Mr Mordecai, suggesting that Wigfall wanted to highlight how we can easily be manipulated by those that are clever. Their appearances are full of disguise, yet we believe them, allowing Wigfall to highlight that she thinks it is our vulnerability to this manipulation that allows these appearances to be decisive.
What Band would you place this in? Aaran
Feedback - Harriet
The only way to improve exam timing is practice by breaking it down. Work out how many points you make on average and divide the time you can spend on the question by this. Then time individual paragraphs, then two paragraphs building up to a full essay. Similar way you would improve your time in swimming or learn to play a new piece on the piano.
Feedback - Ella Bewick
Well done Ella. You are showing depth of analysis here and linking to writer's intentions which is excellent. As a paragraph this is on the B/A borderline but you'd need another 1 or 2 points like this. You need to do two things to improve this:
1) Check your expression making sure you've got the correct word (inequality should be equally in this example) and that it makes sense in the sentences.
2) Add some evaluative phrases like : clearly, successfully, subtly etc throughout your analysis.
Well done. Thanks for posting it again.
Feedback - Hannah Jenkins
Hannah - your skills are secure here and show the potential to gain an A grade or higher but you could improve this answer by adding evaluative phrases and linking to the writer's intentions in the exploration of their theme and adding depth to your analysis by looking at a range of interpretations for each of your quotations.
See the evaluative phrases above for examples.
Feedback - Melissa Andrews
Well done Melissa - this is a good piece. You've analysed the story well and really got to grips with the underlying ideas that the writer is exploring. You have the potential to develop this even further by adding some evaluative phrases such as: clearly, successfully, subtly etc throughout your analysis, which shows the examiner that you are able to judge the successes of the writing. You could also link more explicitly to the ideas the writer is exploring by zooming out and evaluating the strength of the message they are trying to convey or explore.
Well done. A great first post.
Feedback - Aaran
Aaran - I'd place this in the top band. You have an in-depth analytical approach to the text which both focuses on the minutia of the writer's craft but is also able to link this to the wider ideas that the writer is able to explore.
My concern here would be your timing. You always have the ability to develop substantial detail in these questions but are you being strict with your timings? Could you produce this in the exam?
You have four well developed paragraphs here which you would need to create in around 20 minutes with some time to find the detail you need. Are you writing each paragraph in 5 minutes or under?
A good exam strategy for you would be to do individual timed paragraphs so you know what you are capable with (without a text with notes).
You can memorise key quotations by 'quote-a-bix'. Stick key quotations all around your cereal box. You'll see them ever time you have breakfast and squeeze every inch out of your revision time.
Well done - you clearly have a real talent for this.
I really like the 'quote-a-bix' idea and think I am going to try it from next week. I am able to do this in the time limit, on the computer, however, though I am going to start doing my essays on paper to allow me to see how fast I can write, by hand.
I have done another essay (not on these questions) and was hoping that you could give me feedback on it. I did it in thirty minutes, typed up and would like to know what Band it would be placed in. Thanks! (They're on different posts because, if I post it all-together, it exceeds the character limit)
How does Helen Dunmore present the relationship between Carla and Stephen in My Polish Teacher’s Tie?
Helen Dunmore’s ‘My Polish Teacher’s Tie’ is a story that explores the issues of a fractured identity, but also how a relationship can help overcome this. Through their “tie”, it almost seems as if Dunmore used these two characters as a way to suggest that she thinks relationships that are built from the love of your own identity are the ones that blossom the most.
Dunmore uses a variety of different pronouns and verbs to represent the feelings of Carla, and how they change as she meets Stephen. At first, there is the use of a semantic field of masculinity with the plosive-sounding verbs “wrung”, “shovel” and “dish” to convey that Carla feels as if she cannot be the nice, free “bird” that she used to be due to what society doesn’t know about her: her identity. Alongside this, the self-slating subordinate clause “that’s me” has such an abruptness that is almost suggests that she is unwilling to think past her circumstances and into a future that could be better. The pronouns used in this passage are exclusive: “his staff” being an example. This shows that she also feels excluded and that because of the (arguably) fake identity that she expresses, she is not a part of “his staff”. On the contrary, when Stefen comes along, the exclusive pronouns transition to the possessive pronoun “my” and inclusive pronoun “we”. This suggests that because of the strong relationship that she has with Stefen, she is able to have a sense of belonging and feel included, highlighting that her relationship with Stefen is what instigated her feelings of determination to blossom and express her identity. This links into the agenda of Dunmore, as it seems to suggest that Dunmore wanted to highlight that with the help of someone, you are able to find the confidence to express who you are, as personified by Stefen, who acts as a catalyst for Carla’s expression of her identity.
Additionally, the use of symbolism through the story is effective in portraying their relationship. Stephen and Carla both communicate through “poetry”, which brings in the connotations of eloquence. This eloquence isn’t expressed by either of them, when they first meet each other, suggesting that Dunmore wants to create the effect of making the reader realise that they also fail to realise this beauty that some people have within them, just like how we as readers failed to realise the beauty that Carla has within her. Also, the symbolism of the “bird” in the mine is a way of Dunmore creating irony. The word “bird” brings in the idea of freedom and expression, two characteristics that Carla doesn’t appear to have, making the comparison ironic. However, this is a subtle way for Dunmore to criticise the nature of our society, and that our neglect of people around us causes us to “not be able to hear [them]”, making them feel as if they cannot be free or expressive in the society that neglects them. This creates the effect of making the reader feel guilty for being perpetrators of this. Linking this to the relationship of Carla and Stefen, one reader could say that, because it is Stefen and Carla’s “tie” that causes her to become expressive again, Dunmore is trying to highlight that there will always be one person that can help you isolate your identity again and help you express it.
All in all, Dunmore successfully chose the title of the piece to represent the journey that Carla goes through: it represents her peak in happiness and new ability to express her identity. The ambiguity of whether Dunmore is referring to the “tie” worn around a neck or an emotional “tie” highlights the prior ambiguity of Carla’s identity, and it was with her “Polish Teacher” that allowed her to regain it.
Other story: Compass and Torch:
In ‘Compass and Torch’, the relationship between the father and his son is contrasted with the universal terms “man” and “boy”. Both of these terms give the image of strangers, with no relationship between them, highlighting the cold relationship – without any foundation -that they share. Additionally, the use of the semantic field of aggression conveyed in “bruised” and “battered” suggests pain, perhaps emotional pain that the father and the boy had been suffering from while they have been apart, while the plosive ‘b’ sound in the two words can alternatively suggest the pain that the father may have caused to the boy causing their separation for a “year” and the cold relationship between them. This makes the reader feel as if it is the fault of the father that this relationship has deteriorated. Ironically, the “gate” used in the very beginning of the story creates a sense of hope within the reader, as a “gate” brings in the image of opening horizons, as if this journey is going to act as a new-start for them both, foreshadowing that by the end of the story, the relationship between the “boy” and the “man” will have improved.
All in all, Baines presents the relationship between the “boy” and the “man” as fractured and deteriorated, though the use of subtleties with the “gate” and the “torch”, for example, creates the sense that this relationship is going to progress and develop through the story. It’s almost as if Baines wanted to highlight that how-ever bad a relationship may be, you can always try to improve it, like we realise the “man” had tried to do on his journey with the “boy”.
Thanks,
Aaran!
The writer presents relationships in the compass and torch as lost he does this through symbolism the word "compass" in the title highlights they need sense of direction in their relationship. However the "torch conveys the light in the relationship. Also the line "its a red one" comes as they are talking about their torches the word "red" suggests stop in the relationship and also presents the delay of their bonding. However later on in the story the boy then asks his dad what coloured torch he has. The line "Err...its green" implies the start of their relationship and the bond becoming stronger. However its not always that easy for his dad to connect with his son the line "No hope of him trying to RELATE to him, full stop" the word "full stop" highlights it is the end of that and there is no hope for him also the words "No hope" implies that he has left it too long for him to relate to his son and he will never be able to relate to him again. The dad soon realizes that he will never get his relationship back to normal with his son this is conveyed in the line "he has lost his son" the word "lost" highlights he will never find the bond he had with his son again. Also the son seems to want to please all the adults in his life. On line 10 ''the boy misses a breath'' but in line 15 ''the boys chest gives a little hop'' the word ''hop'' conveys the boy is relieved.Similarly by line 64 ''he is uncertain and potentially dismayed'', but then at line 68 he gives a swoop of delight ''Oh yes, certainty' implies this. The writer unambiguously describes a child who is anxious to please.
In the story "My polish Teachers tie" the writer presents relationships as complicated. The word "My" in the title implies sense of ownership. Also the "tie" symbolises the bond between her and the teacher. The Protagonist Carla says she is 'half-polish' and 'they don't know that here' suggesting the complicated relationship she has with her background as she is too shy or ashamed to acknowledge her background. Carla then goes on to ask for Steve's address where her boss then says ''Oh,er-Mrs,er-Carter'' here the punctuation highlights the broken and weak relationship . However later on in the story her relationship with her colleagues and the head start to develop and grow the line "Hello I said. He jumped up, held out his hand." comes when she first meets Steve the word "Hello" suggests Carla's confidence is growing since she didn't speak to anybody before. She becomes proud of her country "His red tie with its bold green squiggles was much too wide and much too bright. It was a flag from another country". The words "from another country" implies she is no longer ashamed to talk about her country also the "bold green squiggles" again highlight confidence growing as she is not scared to be different or to stand out. This shows that her relationships with other people is complicated because she finds it hard to be herself around other people. -Megan Harris
H/W - Friday 28th
Original paragraph:
Dunmore presents a strong message of how two people from different cultures can have hope in companionship and confidence in themselves which can be interpreted to be the same in a larger format, such as two different groups of people or even between countries.
Re-written:
Dunmore strongly presents a powerful message of how two cultures may come together harmoniously and break down the views of social standing and prejudice through separate ideas which are proven to relate. That is the pre-judgement and view of social standing within a working environment and cultural discrimination. She presents each one with an equal amount of negativity while showing how we can overcome it. Overall this main theme of being happy for who you are rather than being affected by what others think of your job or culture evokes a sense of pride for the audience.
Original paragraph:
At the beginning of the story the Scotsman – who is never named which suggests an idea of Aboulela’s that it could be anyone – seems troubled and disturbed by accepting aspects of Sudanese culture in contrast to his own. This is evident in the very first line, ‘Her country disturbed him’ which evokes several questions for the reader of why that is the case.
Re-written:
It is evident in the very first sentence of the story that the protagonist – who is never named, which suggests a key point of Aboulela’s that this story could be based on more than one situation with a combination of different people – seems uncomfortable with aspects of Sudanese culture. In contrast to his own it is very different as he was brought up in Scotland with beliefs of Catholicism. Aboulela is instantly presenting stereotypical views due to feeling a severe contrast rather than a genuine discomfort due to a specific reason. Very simply and directly the narrator states that ‘Her country disturbed him’ which creates several question for the reader as to why that is. There seems to be no specific or logical reason for why his fiancé’s ‘country disturbed him’ which emphasises a repeated message of Aboulela’s of stereotyping and the affects it can have.
Harriet
Feedback Aaran
This would be another Top Band answer. If you were able to write both in a total of 30 minutes you are doing very well. It looks like you are well prepared for this exam. Well done!
Keep carrying out exam answers but I would do one full exam answer each week or every two weeks and carry out more regular frequent paragraph tasks to practice speed of writing.
Good Luck
Feedback Megan Harris
This is much improved Megan. Be careful about zooming in on words like 'hello'. The word in itself does not suggest confidence the whole quotation does so you don't always have to zoom in if it is not appropriate.
Feedback Harriet Almond
You are developing a lot more sophistication in your evaluation here but careful with your expression. I understand what you are getting at but if you look at:
break down the views of social standing and prejudice through separate ideas which are proven to relate. That is the pre-judgement and view of social standing within a working environment and cultural discrimination.
It isn't as clear as it could be.
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