Source 1
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Copyright © 2011. English Advice from an Accidental Teacher - All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2011. English Advice from an Accidental Teacher - All Rights Reserved
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From the article I learned that the SS Coachella is a ‘music festival’ cruise ship which has only just set sail – it’s round trip tour consisting of the route between Fort Lauderdale and Jamaica.
I also learned that bands such as the ‘Pulp’ and rock stars like ‘Jarvis Cocker’ were a board the ship and performed for the cruise ship’s audience. At first they though that the music festival cruise ship had the potential to be a ‘Titanic disaster’ due to the over priced tickets and ‘downright appalling food’.
However, some parts of the cruise didn’t go as planned: employees had to temporarily shut down part of a theater as so few people had attended.
Despite this the ship proved to be a success as the bands and people enjoyed the overall experience.
From source one we learn that the SS Coachella is a mysterious experience by the way the writer tells us of her ignorance of the nature of the cruise itself. We learn that the SS Coachella is ‘terrifyingly unknowable’ and an experience that one would probably never forget due to its high-octane and ‘hipster’ features which the writer constantly informs us of. Aside from this, we do however learn that the cruise is a somewhat ‘floating festival’ as the writer tells us that numerous band members and musicians join the customers on board for several different activities and experiences – alongside actually performing, also.
In addition, we also learn about the Coachella’s incompetence of the crew members as the writer describes the crew to be ‘exhausted-looking’ alongside quoting an employee who says that the tickets sold “Medium-well”. This then leads to the writer giving us a clear signal of her doubt of the cruise’s integrity.
Furthermore, we also learn that some parts of the Coachella were ‘downright appalling’ – especially with its catering; cliché restaurant names and ‘irritating’ experiences.
As we read further into the article (towards the end) we then begin to learn that the SS Coachella is partly ridiculous due to the customers on board and how they reacted with the bands as they played their sets. We learn this when the writer says that ‘with songs so entrancing that some in the audience appeared to be having a religious experience’ – This can also perhaps add to the knowledge of the cruise being depicted as 'hipster'.
You would probably gain 5/6 marks for this. You are embedding quotations but I would always use a quotation for each point you make even if you have used your four quotations. That would cover the 'detailed engagement' part of the top band for the question.
You could use a quotation for your last two paragraphs.
You cover this in enough detail to gain full marks. Well done. Just be careful with the expression of your points:
'the Coachella's incompetence of the crew members' should read: The Coachella's incompetent crew members or the incompetence of the Coachella's crew members.
From this source we come to learn that he SS Couchella is a cruise ship with more kick than your average luxurious voyage. The article describes the voyage as a 'hipsters' floating festival', which immediate tells the audience that this voyage isn't like a 'norm' cruise. With the famous celebrity musical artists playing for all passengers aboard the article definitely shows of its hip atmosphere.
The writer then 'swims' through to include all the positive advertisements of this voyage such as the price, bands, personal opinions and activities of previous passengers and all the way up to the 'ridiculous' sound system. From this information the writer interests all audiences and almost advertises. We learn that this voyage isn't just a full on hip luxury but a money and thrill efficient cruise.
However, we also learn from the writer some of the 'downright appalling' and the 'ludicrous' aspects on the sea voyage such as the ridiculous activities like the 'wine tasting with James Murphy' and makes clear that it is no hipster activity as he sarcastically states.
Although you are embedding quotations look at them and ask yourself if they are adding to what you learn about the ship. Do your quotations tell us what we learn?
The first one - yes
Second one - no
Third one - no
Fourth - no
Fifth - yes
Sixth - yes
Seventh - Yes
Make sure all your details are addressing the question!
5/8
From the source we learn that the SS Coachella is an overrated cruise ship with a 'hipster' like feel. The constant repetition of the word ‘hipster’ suggests that this is not your average voyage…and that the SS Coachella may have a few abnormalities when compared to other cruise ships. We soon learn that the whole cruise is based around a festival like atmosphere with unfamiliar acts which are not recognised with most of the young generation. This gives the impression that the SS Coachella is outdated “names that suggested in certain corners of the Celebrity Silhouette that it was still 1987: Tuscan Grille, Murano, Aquaspa.” The article also tells us that the shops within the ship are also dated again giving the ship a vintage feel.
We also learn that certain parts of the ship are ‘downright appalling’ including the work of the crew and the workers uncertainty about the simplicity of things for example in the article a member of the crew reply’s “um, medium well" the ‘um’ suggesting that they were hesitant about their own knowledge. We learn that the cruise is filled with ‘irritating’ experiences suitable for mainly the older generation again this dates the overall experience.
However despite all of that most of the guest had a somewhat interesting stay whilst ‘learning nail art? Chugging Heinekens? Shopping at Bulgari?’
Good Lauren,
This would get you to the top of Band 3 with 6 marks. You need to ensure that you show you are also understanding the experience for the guests.
While you are picking out information about the ship and the feel, the cherry on the top of the answer would be relating that consistently to the experiences of the guests.
Have another go and add these aspects in. Will put up a new Question 1 later.
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